Hello again! I didn't think it would be so long before I wrote again, but it’s as good a time as any. With Valentine's Day just around the corner I hope you all have a happy one with your sweetheart. If you don’t have one, don’t look at the day like it’s some miserable day. Look at all the money you’re saving because you don’t have to buy someone a bunch of crap. Last year, alone, I spent nearly $500 on her. Granted her birthday and Valentine’s day are a week apart, but I spent my whole tax check on those two days.
In other news, life has been happening. It’s been a pretty bumpy ride since I last wrote. One of my grandparents is in the hospital recovering from surgery. My great grandmother is teetering on the brink and I have heard the phrase, “any day, now” more times than I care to count. And my aunt is in stage 3 kidney failure, and that’s just scratching the surface. Along with my hectic work schedule between both jobs and rarely having a day off, I seem to have found the temper I had while in high school. I mellowed out in college, but it seems that all this craziness has brought back the fiery temper that I thought I had gotten rid of.
One of those which has provoked my temper is my job as a security officer. I was so laid back and non confrontational when I first started, that I was not sure how to approach any situation and deal with it if it were to get out of hand. Now as I approach situations I am quick to find that as soon as someone starts to raise their voice I get really impatient, irritated, and have been known to yell at people… of course to no avail because four of those I have yelled at were deaf...
Yes you read right, deaf. I had a fight about a week ago between 2 deaf couples that ended in me getting pissed off and sending everyone home. Granted, I had a good reason to be pissed; one of the women involved called me a pig. I asked her to write down her address for me and she wrote “No, damn pig cop.” To which I responded, “You can leave! And I’m done here!” She was the one who asked me for help in the first place by the way.
Everything else has just been drama. I have recently been involved in an issue at work. I’m not going to mention any names or what happened, but there is still a cloudy haze of drama involving rumors and some officers talking about, and misquoting other officers and it has just been one big mess. I have said it once and I’ll say it again. I graduated high school for a few reasons. One of them being: I wanted to get away from all the drama.
Unfortunately, what this has done for me is to decide not to trust anyone I work with anymore. I am going to stay in the middle of the road (more so than I normally do) and do my own thing. I will not be involved in any gossip about other officers, nor will I be involved in passing it along. This company seems to have 2 sides to it and both sides are equally wrong.
One side says, “We’re doing things by the book and you have to do things by the book or disciplinary action as defined by the book, will take place.”
The other says, “We’re the rebels. We do things our own way and we’re not afraid of your book.”
They both hate each other and try to find ways to get more people on their side. It turns into a giant tug of war until, before you know it, your company is tearing it self apart from the inside out.
I would like to thank the company for helping me further alienate the world from my trust. I don’t trust people to begin with and it has been slowly but surely diminishing throughout my lifetime. I will no longer be talking to anyone about anything that I see going wrong unless it is a life or death situation. I refuse to pick sides and be a "team player" in their terms. My only priority is going to be to go in, do my job, and go home. Anything else is stuff I'm not getting paid for.
So I know my last couple blogs have been rather negative, but I feel as though I am on the way back up. I have an awesome vacation planned involving the Appalachian trail and I'm in the hiring process for the Marion County Sheriff's Dept. I am still crawling through the shit pile that has been my life for the past 4 months, but I think I can see the light.
So, with that, I will take my leave. I wish you all a pleasant day, afternoon, evening, and night, and a pleasant tomorrow. And if you get caught up in you're own personal shit pile just remember to keep smiling no matter how bad it gets... oh, and watch your step.