Saturday, January 8, 2011

My Changed Perspective, My Thanks, My Brother

Earlier I was having a bad night... cursing my job and complaining... Then a man pulled up next to me to ask for directions. Annoyed, I opened my door because the window in the patrol car, that my company provides, doesn't work.

The man in the car politely asks, "C-c-ccan you p-p-ppllllease tell me the directions to w-w-washington aaand h-h-olt. I-I-I'm tring to get t-t-to the American Lllleigon aaaand if I c-c-can g-et to thaaaaat intersection I-I can find it." But before I could give him directions he spoke again, "Y-y-you'll have to excuse me, I-I-I was blown up in Iraq." This being the reason for his speech impediment...

I gave him the directions to get where he was going and shook his hand and told him, "Thank You."

I sat back in my vehicle and had my perspective immediately... My eyes grew misty as I sat and reflected on the events that just occurred. My mind puzzled on why that gentleman felt like he needed to apologise to me for an injury that he received fighting for me...

I want to take this time to thank all the soldiers past and present.
There are horrors in this world that you have seen that I couldn't even dream of in my worst nightmares.
Thank you for your courage, your strength, your valor, and in this soldier's case, your modesty.

I do want to send out a special thank you to a Marine. One that has changed my life in more ways and helped me through more things than he'll ever possibly know. He is like the big brother I never had and he continues to teach me and guide me almost every day... even if he doesn't know it.
Adam (aka aardvark kill)I am proud to be able to say I know you, call you my friend, and even call you my brother. I love you, man. Thank you.

Until next time, my friends, stay safe, thank a soldier, and as always... watch your step...

Friday, February 12, 2010

I Graduated High School for a Reason.

Hello again! I didn't think it would be so long before I wrote again, but it’s as good a time as any. With Valentine's Day just around the corner I hope you all have a happy one with your sweetheart. If you don’t have one, don’t look at the day like it’s some miserable day. Look at all the money you’re saving because you don’t have to buy someone a bunch of crap. Last year, alone, I spent nearly $500 on her. Granted her birthday and Valentine’s day are a week apart, but I spent my whole tax check on those two days.
In other news, life has been happening. It’s been a pretty bumpy ride since I last wrote. One of my grandparents is in the hospital recovering from surgery. My great grandmother is teetering on the brink and I have heard the phrase, “any day, now” more times than I care to count. And my aunt is in stage 3 kidney failure, and that’s just scratching the surface. Along with my hectic work schedule between both jobs and rarely having a day off, I seem to have found the temper I had while in high school. I mellowed out in college, but it seems that all this craziness has brought back the fiery temper that I thought I had gotten rid of.
One of those which has provoked my temper is my job as a security officer. I was so laid back and non confrontational when I first started, that I was not sure how to approach any situation and deal with it if it were to get out of hand. Now as I approach situations I am quick to find that as soon as someone starts to raise their voice I get really impatient, irritated, and have been known to yell at people… of course to no avail because four of those I have yelled at were deaf...
Yes you read right, deaf. I had a fight about a week ago between 2 deaf couples that ended in me getting pissed off and sending everyone home. Granted, I had a good reason to be pissed; one of the women involved called me a pig. I asked her to write down her address for me and she wrote “No, damn pig cop.” To which I responded, “You can leave! And I’m done here!” She was the one who asked me for help in the first place by the way.
Everything else has just been drama. I have recently been involved in an issue at work. I’m not going to mention any names or what happened, but there is still a cloudy haze of drama involving rumors and some officers talking about, and misquoting other officers and it has just been one big mess. I have said it once and I’ll say it again. I graduated high school for a few reasons. One of them being: I wanted to get away from all the drama.
Unfortunately, what this has done for me is to decide not to trust anyone I work with anymore. I am going to stay in the middle of the road (more so than I normally do) and do my own thing. I will not be involved in any gossip about other officers, nor will I be involved in passing it along. This company seems to have 2 sides to it and both sides are equally wrong.
One side says, “We’re doing things by the book and you have to do things by the book or disciplinary action as defined by the book, will take place.”
The other says, “We’re the rebels. We do things our own way and we’re not afraid of your book.”
They both hate each other and try to find ways to get more people on their side. It turns into a giant tug of war until, before you know it, your company is tearing it self apart from the inside out.
I would like to thank the company for helping me further alienate the world from my trust. I don’t trust people to begin with and it has been slowly but surely diminishing throughout my lifetime. I will no longer be talking to anyone about anything that I see going wrong unless it is a life or death situation. I refuse to pick sides and be a "team player" in their terms. My only priority is going to be to go in, do my job, and go home. Anything else is stuff I'm not getting paid for.
So I know my last couple blogs have been rather negative, but I feel as though I am on the way back up. I have an awesome vacation planned involving the Appalachian trail and I'm in the hiring process for the Marion County Sheriff's Dept. I am still crawling through the shit pile that has been my life for the past 4 months, but I think I can see the light.
So, with that, I will take my leave. I wish you all a pleasant day, afternoon, evening, and night, and a pleasant tomorrow. And if you get caught up in you're own personal shit pile just remember to keep smiling no matter how bad it gets... oh, and watch your step.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Earning my wings

"Squirrel chaser", "Rabbit chaser" that's what they're calling me, and I'm damn proud. Many of the people I work with have found out that I want to be a Law Enforcement Officer for DNR, and the name calling is the result. It's all in fun, but either way, like I said, I'm damn proud.
I've only been working this job 5 weeks and I can tell that I'm in for a bumpy ride. I have yet to have any formal training and that worries me slightly. Luckily I have a roommate that has been in the business for a while and he has been teaching me some basic tactics on patting someone down and cuffing someone. They all seem like really easy concepts to grasp until you add resistance. Resistance changes everything.
I have a few stories that I would like to share. None of them are feats of amazing strength or extremely crazy happenings, but they are my first experiences in the field of law enforcement and I feel like I have been learning at least some. There will be no addresses or names shared, just situations.

My first week was fairly uneventful. Which, to me, was great. My second week I had to end a dispute between a boyfriend and girlfriend where the male had her phone and wouldn't give it back. They were arguing in the parking lot and creating a lot of noise. I calmly asked him to give back the phone. He did so and left. It was pretty simple.
Later that night I came walked up on a group of men literally throwing another male out of the house. They had him by the arms and legs and tossed him into the grass. As I walked up on them the one that was thrown started yelling POLICIA! POLICIA!" and I could tell immediately that he was intoxicated. He could barely stand. The other men went back inside as I began to question the subject. First asking for his ID. He kept trying to hand me his cell phone and saying "Verizon Wireless." It was then that I realized that this man was far from intoxicated. He was smashed. I got on the radio and asked for assistance and dispatch decided to send me IMPD. When they arrived, they tried to get the same information out of him that I did. They were a little more successful, but not much seeing as I'm pretty sure he gave them a fake name, but he did screw himself over when he told us his birthday because it meant he was only 19. He was taken in on public intoxication and minor consumption of alcohol. The residents of the house told us that they had no idea who he was. He just knocked on their door and tried to force his way in, so they threw them out.
The next week followed with a couple of vehicles vandalized. I had one vehicle broken in to and stole some DVDs and a DVD player, but nothing else. The owner was pretty lucky because there was a lot in the vehicle, including her purse and they only took the two items.
One day as I arrived on shift IMPD was already on property. I was told by an officer the events that transpired. There are two females that live on opposite sides of the complex, but they both have the same boyfriend. (Here's where it gets good) The girl that he's been with longer found out, drove to the other side of the complex, found his car in front of the other female's building and proceeded, while he was in the vehicle, to ram his car with her's about 4 or 5 times. She was taken to jail on 4 felony counts and he was taken to the hospital. The other female was not injured.
The final story brings us back to the arguing couple that I interfered with earlier. I got a call from dispatch telling me that there was a 911 call at an apartment. There was no description of the call so I proceeded with caution. The female came to the door, tears in her eyes, and told me that her, now ex-boyfriend, has already left. He had tossed a red liquid on the door and as it leaked under the door she opened the door to investigate. As she opened the door he charged in and immediately went after her. She quickly dialed 911. He heard the operator on the phone and decided to flip her glass-top coffee table and then ran out the door. The table was shattered all over the floor. I kept a tight patrol around her building for the rest of the night. Even parking outside her building and keeping watch when it began raining.
Protect and serve, that's what I do. I may not be a police officer, but I still take my job just as serious. I am often the first to respond to a situation and the last to leave. You might think I take my job too seriously, but the way I see it, this is building my experience to a future career in law enforcement. I love my job and I hope that just my presence is enough to prevent someone from being harmed.

Good night everyone. I wish you a pleasant tomorrow, and a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and every other cultural holiday celebrated this time of year. If I don't write before it comes around have a happy New Year as well. And as 2010 rolls in always remember to watch your step.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Cynicism at its best

Hello everyone, nice to be writing again... I think. I'm gonna touch on something that I know will be interpreted as me being cynical and bitter, and that's how I feel. So hold on this could turn out to be a long one.
The backstory: I was dumped about a month and a half ago. It was kinda out of the blue because I thought we were just going through a rough patch and we were gonna work our way out of it. Well, we didn't. Turns out that I was no longer "emotionally attractive." I'm still not sure if I know exactly what that means. Anyway this, along with other times that I have had my heart stomped on has led to my current state of cynicism and bitterness.
I am at a point in my life where love is just a fantasy. I see it everyday, but I feel I will never receive the full affection of another. I have given 100% in my past 2 relationships, the first lasting 3 years and the latter lasting just over 1 year, and I have received, overall, much less. I do believe that I have received all of it at times, but it wasn't constant. There is a line from the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past that Michael Douglass says and hits it on the head.

"The person that cares the least has the most control in a relationship"
And it got me thinking... That is so true! I have beaten myself to death trying to please my significant other and make them feel the same love that I did for them only to have it fall apart and get my heart broken, but it seems like the other end didn't suffer at all when telling me it was over.
I understand the point that you can't make someone love you. But when you feel like they are slipping away from you what else are you to do? I don't like to roll over and accept things. I usually try and fight to make it last. And trust me I have tried just about everything. I have tried giving them their space, smothering them with affection, gifts, dates, and got nothing in return. And I know there's someone out there saying well, love shouldn't be something you have to try to earn, it should just be there if two people are meant to be together they will be. And I call bull shit on that.
Soul mates don't exist! Meant to be is all bull shit! You mean to tell me that of over 6 billion people on this planet there is only one person that I am meant to fall in love with, it's illogical to even think of such a moronic thing. There are way too many variables in just the way you wake up in the morning to even consider that there is a single path that you are meant to walk and everything happens for a reason. News flash! There is no reason, everything just happens. My sister was raped about 7 months ago and she's pregnant with that fucktard's child.... what was the reason behind that?
"If there is one thing that I would ask God it would be:
Why did he permit people to fall in love with other people that will never feel the same way"
So far I have found that love is about who you find the least boring and you sleep with them until they become boring to you. Then you find another more exciting person that you start to like and you can either A: Dump boring for new and exciting. B: Stay with boring and have fun with new and exciting. Or C: Stay with boring and try to work things out knowing that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. (Very few pick C) In the end some either get tired of looking for new and exciting and settle down after learning that the grass isn't always greener and everyone is happy, or they just settle and no one is happy.
"Love is like writing on a fogged glass. It always fades away."
So that's my cynical side. I hope you have pulled away something from this. There is something in here for everyone, believe it or not. If you have questions or comments, just let me know. I'm pretty sure I have it set up so that you can comment on it even if you aren't a member. If not, there are multiple ways to contact me and they are all over my profile. So for now, I say good night. And especially in the case of love... watch your step.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

2012: All the hype for nothing

Good Sunday after noon everyone! I have been researching a new theory... at least new to me. About the fate of the Earth in 2012. Don't misunderstand me. I've known about the 2012 hype for at least 3 years. I did a speech on the matter my freshman year of college. But what I didn't know is the theory of Planet X.
I have heard everything from solar flares and asteroids to rogue gamma ray bursts. But this morning I was watching the Discovery Channel and during the commercial break I got up to get some breakfast. A commercial came on while I was in my kitchen that was talking about the supposed disaster that "will" happen in 2012. The add directed viewers to a website called The Institute for Human Continuity.
The site explains that they have a lottery for people to take part in, in order to try to save themselves from the end of humanity.
However, the website is anything but a true lottery. It is just a clever ploy from Sony to promote their new movie 2012.

This all leads to one part of the site that I reviewed called The Scenario: Planet X. I had never heard of this theory, so I decided to do my own research on the matter. When I Googled Planet X one of the first links that came up was a series of videos on YouTube called Surviving 2012 and Planet X (Made in 2007). I began reviewing the videos only to find myself, by the second video, doing calculations about the theoretic position of Planet X. And here they come. (NOTE: I am not a physicist, nor a mathematician, but the equations used are basic conversion, distance, and velocity equations)
The video explains that in 1983 Planet X was recorded about 50 billion miles from the sun (50x10^9). And in 1992 it was just over 7 billion miles from the sun (7x10^9). So that means that in 9 years Planet X traveled 43 billion miles (43x10^9). Performing a quick calculation to find out the velocity of Planet X (Distance=Rate x Time). I found that Planet X would have to be traveling approximately 4.7 billion miles per year. If the speed seems too fast, it's not. It is plausible to go this speed. The speed of light is 5.8 trillion miles per year.
If Planet X is traveling 4.7 billion miles per year, then it doesn't take a calculator to see that it wouldn't take 20 years (the calculations being from 1992) for the object to reach the sun. Calculations show that it would have been here within approximately 1.5 years from 1992. Which then draws the conclusion that the world should have ended before 1995. Unless we are dealing with the scenario from The Fifth Element where the object can decelerate, stop, and accelerate at will, we will be fine.

If you want my opinion, nothing is going to happen. And if something does, oh well. I'm not going to spend my last few years alive worrying about one day. I'm going to continue living the happy life that I lead and do as much as I can with my loved ones.
The end of the world is to great a prediction for anyone to try to wrestle with when we can barely predict the weather. If someone else starts throwing numbers at you about another catastrophic event, pull out your calculator and put those numbers to the test. So I bid you all adieu. And with 2012 around the corner... watch your step!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Psychiatric Help

As a small treat I have decided to put in a story that I wrote my junior year of high school. Hope you like it. And with this one you really need to watch your step.

“How shall I end your life?” asked a deep, mysterious voice over an intercom, “I have an interest in the human anatomy. You see, I took it once in high school. I got a fairly good grade in it so I’m pretty sure I know what I would be doing.”
“What do you want?” A frightened girl shouted. Still half drugged she couldn’t figure out where she was. All she could remember was that she was attacked while walking to her dorm from a late class.
She was a narrow figured, mid-twenties college girl. She had short brown hair and cat-like green eyes. She was going to graduate next month. Her parents were very proud and some had claimed that she was the epitome of success.
“Simple pleasures.” A concise answer but one she didn’t like.
“You pervert…Why would you do this?” Now sobbing she sank down into a dark corner of the strange room. She crossed her arms, rested them on her knees, and buried her head in her arms.
There was one light hanging from the ceiling on a cord with a pull string to turn it off and on. The room had dark green walls and a dusty hardwood floor that looked like it had been there for years. There was a door, but it was locked. It was solid oak and very heavy.
“That’s not what I meant… Mallory. See, I have nothing but hatered when it comes to people like you. I am very meticulous. I watch you from the heights of this building.” The incisive voice slowly became more irritated. “How is it that someone like you can just waltz through life without a care in the world? While the rest of us scrape the bottom of the plate for tiny scraps that you leave behind. Huh? …what makes you so special? What makes you worthy to live?” The voice calmed back down. “I’m gonna give you one chance to get back to your life and leave this place forever.”
“What’s the catch?” Mallory stood up and looked around; carefully scanning the room she looked for the source of the voice. She listened carefully.
“You have to survive. Open one wrong door, or turning one wrong key could spell disaster. Then I will have my chance to excise those organs I find appetizing.” An evil snicker came from the voice. “You can start now.”
The door lock clicked like it was on voice activation. Mallory slowly opened the door. The halls were old and dusty. The elegant gold light fixtures and beautiful pictures on the walls were hidden by the massive amounts of dust and spider webs. The hallway lights were dim, but they showed enough light to see the length of the hall. She could see a door down the hall to the right that was open and a turn in the hallway to her left. She crept out onto the carpeted floor and approached the table. Something on the table had caught her eye. There was an eerie silence throughout the building.
On the table was a full pill bottle with a written prescription beneath it. She read it out loud, “Olanzapine,” after thinking for a second she came to the conclusion, “He’s schizophrenic.”
“Well done.” the voice echoed through the hall. “But as you can see I didn’t take any of the pills. I’m not schizophrenic. I just have a stronger side that speaks to me and helps me teach those like you a lesson.”
Mallory, hoping to appeal to the voice, yelled back, “You need help, and I can help you. I’m a psychology maj…”
“I know what you are, you are the reason I am doing this” said the voice infringing on her sentence.
She quickly glanced back at the prescription. It was her handwriting. “Carl… is that you?” she asked quivering. Remembering her internship at the Cambridge Psychiatric Hospital; Carl was one of her hardest patients. He was stubborn and in complete denial about his condition.
“You guessed it.” he replied with a game show announcer-like voice. “You gave me those pills and said I was crazy.”
“I only said it would be best to have someone else help watch you when you start the medication, and that we provide those facilities since you had nowhere to go.”
“What is that facility called?” the voice irritatedly asked.
“The Cambridge Psychiatric Hospital” she replied.
“Exactly! The nut house. Where crazy people go.”
“I never said you were crazy”
“You might as well have… Oh, and god luck getting out” He chuckled.
The door at the end of the hall, which had been open a moment ago, started to close. She made a mad dash toward the door. Sprinting toward the door, she made every effort to get there before it shut. Then a terrible feeling shot through her gut as the carpet shifted beneath her feet. Suddenly she found herself falling. It was a trap! The floor had been cut out beneath the carpet. Her breath was taken away as she fell through the floor like a rag doll. At the end of her fall was a fate she could not see or imagine.
She landed. Giant metal spikes drove through her body like a pin cushion. Death overcame her as every ounce of her blood ran down the spikes to the floor. An evil laugh rang through the halls of the vacant building.
Carl pre-heated his oven to 450°. “Just enough to cook out any viruses or bacteria she may harbor. “Mmm Mmm,” He said to himself. Pleased, he returned to his desk from which he was sitting. As he turned the pages in a med school roster to psychiatry majors he scratched off Mallory’s name from the list and turned to his computer to find information on the next person on the list.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

To make you think...

Hello all, and welcome back!
The past couple blogs have been on news, politics, and related subjects, so now, I want to deviate from the frustration and move to things that intrgue me, and possibly you. The story behind all of this is simple. I'm taking a class that makes me think about existence, life, God, and the posibility of all things physical and abstract. Also, I'm reading a book called Physics of the Impossible by Dr. Michio Kaku. When I say "read" I mean I'm crawling through the book at a snail's pace, because I only read it while I'm sitting and waiting for class to start. That could be anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes. My first thought is from Dr. Kaku's book...

"How can the past and future be, when the past no longer is and the future is not yet? As for the present, if it were always present and never moved on to become the past, it would not be time, but eternity." -St. Augustine
According to the logic of St. Augustine we can see that time is not possible, since the past is gone and the future doesn't exist, and the present exists only for an instant.
So what is time? Using the Dictionaire application on my iPod, I counted 15 different definitions of the word "time." Time must just be a means of measuring the events that have disolved into oblivion. In other words, events that have become the past. In all truth time, in the terms of 12 o'clock and 3 o'clock is unnecessary except as a means of organization. This could be why explaining time to children might difficult because young children do not develop permanence (according to Piaget's studies on cognitive devlopment) anywhere between 2 and 7 years of age, with 7 being the extreme. Permanence is the ability to know that an object or event still exists even though it is not in the direct line of sight or perception.
For example: If you were to hide a toy behind your back and the child has not develpoed permanence yet, then the child might cry because it believes that the bear is simply gone forever, because it is not seen, nor percieved.
This brings us to the thought that time is nothing more than a method of organization or measurement rather than an object that we can use or even adjust (in terms of time travel). The only spot in which, logically, time exists is now. Not 5 minutes from now because it doesn't exist yet, and not 5 minutes ago because it no longer exists, but now.

Which leads to the question of destiny. How can one have a destiny if the future does not exist? Clearly, destiny is a fallacy in which to take the blame off of the individual to lessen the blow of failure, or make one feel more important in terms of success. It can also lessen the effect of success by saying, "It was their destiny to become the most powerful leader in the world," rather than give credit to their hard work. The fact of the matter is, that I make my own "destiny." the choices I have made in the past (which, of course, no longer exists) have dictated where I am presently, and the choices I am making at this very instant are dictating what my future will become. There are too many paths to choose, logically, to say that there is one predetermined spot that one individual is supposed to end up at.

This, in a round about way, brings me to the last conundrum for today, and it has to do with Quantum Theory.

Quantum Theory is described as the most successful theories ever devloped by the human mind, but it is built on probablilities rather than definate answers. The theory is, more or less, a way of predicting events rather than giving a definate outcome. (Mind you, it is extremely accurate to within 1 part in 10 billion.) But there is a possibility that it could give a false prediction at any point. Which brings up Schrodinger's Cat Paradox.

The cat paradox goes like this:
You put a cat in a sealed box.
Inside that box you also have a gun pointed at the cat's head.
The trigger to the gun is attached to a Geiger counter that sits next to a piece of Uranium.
Normally, the Geiger counter is activated by the decaying Uranium it activates the trigger, ultimately, killing the cat.

Sounds simple, right? Not quite... The Uranium can either decay or not, and the cat is either dead or alive, but there's more to it than the apparent common sense involved. If we were to use Quantum Theory to predict the results, we would have to add the 2 possibilities (dead or alive), and add the wave function of a decayed Uranium atom with the wave function of an intact Uranium atom. This shows that, in order to describe the cat, because of the operation above, the cat is not dead or alive. It is the sum of a dead cat and a live cat. Even though it's highly unlikley, there is that possibility.

So there are my thoughts. If there are more things that you wish to discuss along these lines I will be more than willing to tackle them at your request. As for me, I will continue to question the things we all hold dear to our reality.
Until next time, take it easy, have fun, and as always... Watch your step!
No cats were harmed in the typing of this blog