Sunday, October 25, 2009

Cynicism at its best

Hello everyone, nice to be writing again... I think. I'm gonna touch on something that I know will be interpreted as me being cynical and bitter, and that's how I feel. So hold on this could turn out to be a long one.
The backstory: I was dumped about a month and a half ago. It was kinda out of the blue because I thought we were just going through a rough patch and we were gonna work our way out of it. Well, we didn't. Turns out that I was no longer "emotionally attractive." I'm still not sure if I know exactly what that means. Anyway this, along with other times that I have had my heart stomped on has led to my current state of cynicism and bitterness.
I am at a point in my life where love is just a fantasy. I see it everyday, but I feel I will never receive the full affection of another. I have given 100% in my past 2 relationships, the first lasting 3 years and the latter lasting just over 1 year, and I have received, overall, much less. I do believe that I have received all of it at times, but it wasn't constant. There is a line from the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past that Michael Douglass says and hits it on the head.

"The person that cares the least has the most control in a relationship"
And it got me thinking... That is so true! I have beaten myself to death trying to please my significant other and make them feel the same love that I did for them only to have it fall apart and get my heart broken, but it seems like the other end didn't suffer at all when telling me it was over.
I understand the point that you can't make someone love you. But when you feel like they are slipping away from you what else are you to do? I don't like to roll over and accept things. I usually try and fight to make it last. And trust me I have tried just about everything. I have tried giving them their space, smothering them with affection, gifts, dates, and got nothing in return. And I know there's someone out there saying well, love shouldn't be something you have to try to earn, it should just be there if two people are meant to be together they will be. And I call bull shit on that.
Soul mates don't exist! Meant to be is all bull shit! You mean to tell me that of over 6 billion people on this planet there is only one person that I am meant to fall in love with, it's illogical to even think of such a moronic thing. There are way too many variables in just the way you wake up in the morning to even consider that there is a single path that you are meant to walk and everything happens for a reason. News flash! There is no reason, everything just happens. My sister was raped about 7 months ago and she's pregnant with that fucktard's child.... what was the reason behind that?
"If there is one thing that I would ask God it would be:
Why did he permit people to fall in love with other people that will never feel the same way"
So far I have found that love is about who you find the least boring and you sleep with them until they become boring to you. Then you find another more exciting person that you start to like and you can either A: Dump boring for new and exciting. B: Stay with boring and have fun with new and exciting. Or C: Stay with boring and try to work things out knowing that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. (Very few pick C) In the end some either get tired of looking for new and exciting and settle down after learning that the grass isn't always greener and everyone is happy, or they just settle and no one is happy.
"Love is like writing on a fogged glass. It always fades away."
So that's my cynical side. I hope you have pulled away something from this. There is something in here for everyone, believe it or not. If you have questions or comments, just let me know. I'm pretty sure I have it set up so that you can comment on it even if you aren't a member. If not, there are multiple ways to contact me and they are all over my profile. So for now, I say good night. And especially in the case of love... watch your step.


Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch buddy. Romance is a real pain in the ass. I know it's rough to deal with, but if she were the right girl for you, she wouldn't able to chuck you aside so easily. But on the other hand isn't it better that she broke things off if her feelings had changed? You'll be fine. You're a handsome, charming guy, so no worries.

adam said...

i agree with it a lot, one who loves the most is the one who loses the most. never know what's going to happen,